March 19, 2000 ~ Disappointment and the Altruist

Someone else published Morgan's book. Or rather, someone else has published a scholarly research of Wicca. Morgan was really psyched about the fact that his would probably be the very first book of its kind. Now, it isn't. He's been very sad about it. I am still proud of him, however. Here he is a poor, lowly sophomore undergraduate student at a small, obscure liberal arts college in North Carolina, and he has been writing a book about the same subject matter as a well-established professor from University of Bristol in England who has a Doctorate and has already published more than ten books. Furthermore, Morgan has a few sources that this Doctor does not have, and Morgan is able to point out some places where he erred in his information. Even though Morgan's book will no longer be the first of its kind, at least it is quite impressive that he is able to write something of its caliber at his level of education. His only problem is, no one ever takes an undergraduate scholar/author seriously. It seems that many scholarly publishers are of the persuasion that in order to research well, one must have a Doctorate. *growl* Oh, it is very frustrating. It is also quite impossible to get a good grant for research at the undergraduate level. Oh well. I suppose Morgan is taking it well. He made only one wishful comment about prank calling the "Bloody Bastard" in his office at Bristol.

American Beauty turned out to be a disturbing but interesting and moving commentary on typical American Suburbia and the "American Dream." I liked the overall message. The awareness it portrays is fantastic.

We've been relaxing this weekend. We rented a few movies. Shakespeare in Love was good but had far too much gratuitous sex. Morgan liked Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead as I had hoped he would. We've also been reading out loud to one another off and on from Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Those books are hilarious if you have never read them. It has been ages since I have had time to read anything just for the Hell of it. Yesterday we bought all of our food for the week. The broccoli and asparagus stir-fry we cooked tonight was delicious.

While we were out, we stopped somewhere to get drinks, and after the cashier had already rung us up, we realized that they didn't take bankcards or credit cards of any type. I explained in embarrassment that we didn't have any cash, but then the couple behind us insisted on paying for our drinks. I was extremely grateful, but at the same time I felt bad for accepting someone else's kindness. Why is it that I feel bad for receiving favors? I love to do little favors for other people, but, when it comes to someone else doing something like that for me, I feel embarrassed and undeserving and try to tell them that "it's all right, I really don't need it, but thank you" ... What if the people I do little favors for feel the same way? I need to work on my ability to accept other people's kindness. Why is that so hard for me? Morgan calls it the altruist's dilemma.

Thank you to that couple, wherever they are.

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