June 29, 2000 ~ Spirituality?

I am finally updating this site. Tonight I made a few very small changes in looks, and I hope to start making big changes sometime soon (see "new" on the introduction page, if you want to know what the changes are). What I really want to do is update the "soul" section, and actually write all the sections in it... but something inside me is having the hardest time finding the words to put down in there.

I think I am in a period where I am both spiritually changing and spiritually indefinable. Quite honestly, there is no one group, no one philosophy or faith group, that I can really call myself. I would feel comfortable with calling myself Christian if it wasn't for the majority of Christian actions in the last 2000 years. I hate all the baggage that comes with modern-day "Christianity."

Living in the South, I've had some rather disturbing exposure to the fundamentalist mindset, and I have come to realize that the first thing that many people think of when they hear the word "Christianity" is that, that strict and oppressive burden of a religion which I want to believe is a highly vocal minority. The fundamentalists who are truly cruel call themselves Christian, and how could I possibly share that label with them? Plus, I don't believe in Biblical infallibility, and I am a little sketchy on putting all emphasis on the atonement of Christ.

For me, it is about living life with an attitude of selflessness and compassion and seeking God. And, as always, I refuse to be stuffed into a cramped little category. I would have to use all sorts of qualifiers. "Heretic," definitely. "Mystic," probably. I don't proselytize, so that leaves me as "non-evangelical"? "Non-consumerist, vegan, solitary, environmentalist, extreme pacifist." I love studying all religions, too. So what does that leave me as? A non-consumerist, vegan, solitary, environmentalist, extreme pacifist, mystic, non-evangelical, heretic Christian who enjoys studying other faiths? Oh dear. I have been noticing lately, too, how I have a somewhat "Pagan" side to me to. (This is not only the environmentalist side coming out, but also the fact that I am becoming somewhat knowledgeable and interested in herbal healing).

There was a time when I would have called myself a secularist. Once I was agnostic. And then there was even a time when I would have called myself a Christian with no qualifications. But now... Things are more complex. I still have a strong faith, and I am a very intensely spiritual person, but I can no longer really use conventional labels and qualifiers to define my faith.

So how do I write a "soul" section? How do I put all of this into words that flow together to show the beauty I see from my eyes?

Sorry for the long ramble. I have been feeling rather odd about spirituality lately. Not really about what I believe, but the fact that I have such trouble defining exactly what I believe. Really, we do define ourselves a little to much, as humans, so maybe it's not a bad thing that I can't seem to do that... Maybe I shouldn't feel so odd about being of "undefined spirituality." Oh well.

Oh yes. Kim has found a temporary solution to her job problem. She is also feeling a lot more relaxed. I am so glad something positive has come of the whole mess.

previous / archive / next