July 2, 2000 ~ Family

He cradled my head with one hand as he traced patterns on my back with his fingers. Healing poured from him as he worked the tension out of my back. His hand stroked my hair and he nuzzled his cheek against the top of my head. His heart beat strong under my ear. I could bask in the warmth of that embrace for eternity.

He now lies curled up in the beanbag, dozing in the light from the window. How many beautiful moments like this afternoon pass by without any documentation, without even notice? How did it ever come to be that I have started to take this comfort and love for granted? I never thought life would ever come to be this beautiful. Three years ago, if someone had told me that I would soon be so very happy and loved, I would never have believed it. But now, here I am, with his warmth always present even when he is not. The power there is, in just knowing that I am loved!

Morgan is my family. We really have started our own family. He is my support, my confidence. I come home to him. Honestly, it does feel like we are already married. In December, we will be confirming and publicly announcing a commitment that already exists. We are life partners, soulmates. Fate lies beneath the surface of our love.

He balances the dark side of me that remembers only the pain and suffering of my past. All of that no longer matters, will never matter. Not any more. It made me who I am, for that, I will forever be thankful, but I will not let it control me, I will not let it cause me to walk in fear and caution of the cruelty I know other beings are capable of. I truly have forgiven. I always wondered if I really could. I know now, though. I know that I don't hold it inside me anymore; I don't let it make me bitter.

This is my very last weekend off for a long time. I am savoring it while I can. Yesterday we slept in, and then went downtown to go wedding ring shopping and to stop by our favorite used bookstores. We now have a better idea of what kind of rings we want, and how much they are going to cost (too much).

Scott, my advisor for The Well was working at one of the bookstores we visited, so I was able to catch up with him. He hasn't had a cigarette in a month! He is so happy about it, and I'm really glad he was able to quit. I told him about the digital camera, and he, just like me, is excited. I can't wait untill it arrives.

When we came back to Pokey (our car), however, we found that the left rear tire was completely flat. *sigh* We had a spare, however, so it worked out okay. I think Morgan pulled a muscle doing it, though, for he woke up with a very bad pain in his back this morning. He is doing what he can to keep from stressing it more, though. We ate dinner at The Noodle Shop, and when we got home, Morgan started work on a new personal page. This one is going to be really beautiful, and have more content than his last one. He wants to do a really great job on it. While he did that, I read The Fifth Sacred Thing. It is very addictive. When I finish, I think I will put a review up on my site somewhere. I am getting myself involved in this book far more than I usually do with a novel.

Today has been another lazy day. Slept in, did some mild chores, and I've been reading. Maybe we will watch a movie tonight. I want to work on this page, but I am feeling unmotivated.

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