July 24, 2000 ~ A Bubble about to Burst

Today is one of those days where even the smallest, most insignificant thing is making me want to start bawling. It was the same thing last night.

The stress of financial aid problems is really starting to get to me.

This morning, my mother faxed all of the things that the financial aid office had asked for last time. I went by to make sure they got it all, and they had. Unfortunately, the financial aid lady had some more bad news for me. The letter my stepfather sent was not sufficient. They need his tax forms after all. He doesn't know if that is going to be possible, but he is going to try. Apparently he hasn't filed taxes for a long time. How, exactly, does one file taxes if one has a NEGATIVE income? That's what is happening with my Stepfather, but they say that he has to file a tax form anyway.

If I don't get my aid before classes start (less than a month) I will not be allowed to attend classes. I will also lose my board. Read: "HOMELESS." Read: "Royally SCREWED."

And so, with all of that hanging over my head, it's no wonder I got mad last night when I found out that Altoids aren't even vegetarian. I started crying when Morgan bumped me in the head. Not because it hurt, but just because I wanted to cry, and I started babbling about financial aid and Altoids (He just held me and soothed me. I'm so glad I have him). I almost cried today, when I was doing the cash register at the door at lunch today at the cafeteria, because a man started getting frustrated with me because the cafeteria charges him four dollars for an all-you-can-eat lunch... I just deflated when I got a greeting card in my email from some anonymous someone who thought it would be funny to send me a card that has a picture of a voodoo doll with my name on it, several pins sticking out of it, and a note that says they have cursed me. Is that supposed to be funny? I am such a lumpy goober today.

We went to Boone yesterday to visit some of Morgan's old friends. I was hoping it would get my mind off things. It was fun, and it was great to see them... but as soon as I got back to the college I slowly drifted back into this funk. It was even a great day yesterday. Nice and cool, almost cold! With my favorite kind of soft rain all day long. Today everything smells clean because of it. I wish my mind was in a state where I could enjoy it. *sigh*

I just want to be held again, but Morgan is at work. Maybe I can take a nap or something.

Oh, I added an old poem to the Poetry page called "Lost with Your Sudden Absence." I had wanted to have this page together and submitted to webrings and such by today, but it just didn't happen. I am stuck on the spirituality page still. Ah well.

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