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February 1, 2003 ~ Menstruation Liberation
Saturday.
I have learned something. Something that has completely changed my life.
You probably don't want to read this, but I need to say it, because I think that other women (and those who know other women) ought to know. This is going to be somewhat graphic and perhaps too much information for some people. So, if you have "issues" with reading about menstruation and other things that relate to it, you may want to stop here (Though, honestly, I can't help but think that it is a wee bit silly to be embarrassed by or upset by talk of menstruation when half of the human population spends several decades dealing with it. Menstruation is not a secret. It is perfectly natural and normal. An unhealthy aura of ignorance and taboo has shrouded it for far too long. Women should talk about it because they need to know about the functioning of their bodies, and men should know about it because they are bound, one way or another, to run into a woman some day. So I, for one, am going to talk about it. Obviously, I think it rather silly to stick one's head in the sand).
Forgive me if I am very straightforward and blunt right now. I have good reason to be. For the past few months, I've been learning the truth about something that has been concealed from me for a very long time, something that has caused me a great deal of pain and discomfort for ten years, and, now that I've researched it, I'm fairly pissed off that doctors or health care professionals have never bothered to take me seriously about it.
Ever since I started my period when I was thirteen, it was different for me than it was for other women. I slowly learned this. When my mother taught me how to deal with my menstrual blood, she told me that I could use a maxi pad and would probably only have to change it four times a day. She didn't believe me at first when I told her that her instructions weren't working; I was overflowing a pad every twenty minutes, and I needed something heavier. She got me some "teen slim" Tampax tampons, and told me to use those in addition to the pads. That extended my time to forty-five minutes if I was lucky. So we tried "super-plus" sized tampons, and those lasted slightly over an hour. My mother knew that such a heavy flow was not normal, but I don't think she knew what to do about it. Over the years, it got worse and worse, heavier and heavier. It finally got to the point that even a super plus tampon and an overnight super-absorbency pad were leaking within an hour.
But that wasn't all. I also had cramps. Terrible cramps, every month, for a week before my period on through until a few days after, plus less serious ones around the time that I ovulated. Cramps that shot all the way from my calves to my upper back, with a central writhing ball of pain in my midsection. These cramps sometimes made me black out, the pain was so intense. I had trouble breathing because it was too painful. I don't think that people, doctors included, quite understood when I said that I had cramps. They told me to take some pain relievers and try to relax. Pain relievers didn't help much. They slightly dulled the cramps, mainly making it so that I didn't black out from the pain, but they were still pretty unbearable. For the first few years, I took pain relievers so heavily, in an attempt to make menstruation livable, that I built up a tolerance and was often taking several times the recommended dosage.
Since the pain relievers wouldn't work, I learned to hide my pain rather effectively. I remember sitting in classes in middle school, waves of pain rolling over me, using every ounce of my concentration on simply remaining upright in my seat, trying not to let my face betray me, unable to pay attention to the teacher, the world faint, blurry, darkened, noises fuzzy and dulled. Having to leave in the middle of class to flee to the bathroom and change my leaking supplies. Walking, I felt like I was floating. I couldn't feel my feet very well. I tried to nonchalantly support myself against walls, doorframes, trying not to run into things because the world was fuzzy and I couldn't see very well. Side effects of the painful cramps seemed to be nausea and dizziness. I also had alternate bouts of diarrhea or constipation. Really bad intestinal cramps on top of the other cramps. Bad headaches and fatigue. But menstruation was "not something to miss school over," so I learned to act normally over the pain. I even studied books about meditative ways of overcoming intense physical pain. Everyone told me that "cramps are no big deal," with that implied undertone of, "don't be such a wimp." I was too young, too shy, and too submissive to defend myself and explain exactly why my cramps were a big deal, so I adapted.
And, oh, the embarrassment, all of the time bleeding through my clothes when I had a teacher who would not excuse me to the bathroom. Carrying tissues to (attempt to) discreetly clean the blood from my chair. Wearing several layers of black, baggy clothes on my bottom half to conceal my problem. Always carrying an overshirt or sweater with me in case I needed to tie it around my waist to hide my pants.
When I told doctors about it, they gave me answers like, "Well, yes, some women get bad cramps. Just take two aspirin and that should make them go away." When I told them that aspirin didn't work, they just said things like, "Well, then, try a heating pad and a different type of pain reliever." They didn't really listen to me. All of their answers boiled down to, "Oh, most women get some little cramps, but they aren't anything to fuss about. Quit your whining and deal with it." But I knew that something that was making me black out weren't just some "little cramps." What happened to me every month for two weeks straight couldn't be normal.
Once I reached college, I started doing a little research on my own, since doctors refused to take me seriously. I started reading about endometriosis. I realized that I fit most of the symptoms perfectly. Extremely heavy bleeding. Intensely painful cramps for a week before and during menstruation. Cramps during ovulation. Fatigue. Nausea. Diarrhea alternating with constipation. Intense intestinal (gas) cramps. Painful urination during menstruation. Sensitivities to chemicals. Allergies. Frequent yeast infections and bladder infections--
[when I went to the doctor about the yeast and bladder infections (two separate doctors!) they didn't say a thing about Endometriosis, even when I told the one doctor about my cramps and heavy flow. (Aurgh!) Perhaps my chronic yeast infection has something to do with that...]
So anyway, after a lot of reading, I figured it was pretty likely that I had endometriosis. A doctor cannot confirm a diagnosis of endometriosis without exploratory surgery, so I figured that there wasn't much point in getting diagnosed. I wasn't sure what to do with the information. I looked a little into treatment, but the first few things that I found were advertisements for expensive drugs that wouldn't cure it but would "help to reduce the symptoms." I knew that I couldn't afford it, being uninsured, and I wasn't particularly thrilled with the prospect of a monthly regime of drugs that would dull things but not fix things for the rest of my menstrual years. I grew discouraged and stopped looking.
But, when I stopped eating meat, the cramps started getting a little better. When I stopped eating dairy and eggs, they got even better. They were still pretty unbearable, and my flow was still just as heavy, but I could feel a significant difference in the pain levels. I figured that the simple fact that I was eating more healthfully must have been making things easier.
Well, as I've written about before, since last August, I completely switched my diet over to entirely organic vegan foods. As soon as I started eating organic, I noticed a dramatic change. My flow got slightly lighter. The cramps became more and more bearable, month after month. Now that I've been eating organic for over four months, my flow is significantly lighter. I no longer have to run to the bathroom every half hour. I no longer have to plan my life around my period. And the cramps--they receded greatly. I mean, yes, they were still painful and uncomfortable, but wow! I can walk! I can breathe! I don't black out anymore! I also noticed that most of the other symptoms slackened off as well. I haven't had such problems with yeast infections since I started eating organic. All of the other problems are regulating as well. It gets better and better every month.
So I looked up anything that I could find about endometriosis and organic foods. Who'd have guessed? Exposure to pesticides has been found to dramatically worsen the symptoms of endometriosis. Organic foods do not have any pesticides.
When I looked up treatments before, I didn't look beyond the mainstream drugs. If I had just dug a little further, into preventative medicine, I would have found what I was looking for. Once I found the organic food connection, I started to look into other things. It turns out that a vegan or macrobiotic diet does tend to help reduce endometriosis symptoms. The less processed my food, the better. Also helpful is reducing the sugar, alcohol, and caffeine in one's diet. Since I don't ever consume alcohol or caffeine, and very little sugar, this isn't one that really applies to me, but it's good to know.
But, the thing that has changed my life...
Now, I know that almost all commercial disposable tampons and pads are not particularly good for you. I know that they are not as regulated as drugs, health care products, foods, or cosmetics are regulated, even though they are used in ways that are just as or even more significant to one's health and well being as regulated items are. Everyone knows that tampons can cause toxic shock syndrome, a nasty, horrible, and sometimes deadly condition. Tampons not only soak up blood, but they soak up other moistures that are supposed to be there, and having one's vagina too dry can be a very uncomfortable and unhealthy thing. Many brands (Tampax and Playtex especially) have chemical additives that can build up in your system and are believed to cause a variety of health problems, including various types of cancer and reproductive disorders. Also, most brands are whitened with chlorine bleach. Dioxin, a toxin produced by chlorine bleaching, is left in the tampons, and soaks into your blood stream when you use tampons.
Anyway, I found that the chemicals found in mainstream commercial disposable pads and tampons are (surprise surprise!) known to aggravate and worsen endometriosis. When I learned that, something inside of me snapped. Ten years of pent up rage toward the feminine menstrual hygiene industry burst forth in a roaring torrent. I was livid.
You have to understand. Ever since I used my first pad, I felt used and manipulated. For so many reasons.
Psychologically. I have been dependent on tampons and pads for ten years. You see, it's like an addiction. Most women use what their mother used, and they never switch. By necessity, I switched, because what my mother used did not give me the coverage that I needed. Once I found something that kept me leak-free for an hour, though, I stuck to it, because trying different products was expensive and often times very frustrating and fruitless. But when I went to the store and found that they had changed the packaging, I felt cheated. I had to carefully read through everything on all of the different packages to make sure I was getting what I needed. When they changed the design of the pads, or of the tampons, a strange feeling would come over me. I can only describe it as a mixture of fear, anger, betrayal, and frustration. I can remember crying because I hated that I was so dependant on something that it could have me paralyzed with uncertainty when it changed ever so slightly. You see, menstruation was always a point of insecurity, for me. Vulnerability. I wanted everything to proceed as planned. Once I got used to how to cope with my period using certain products, I did not want to learn new tricks. When I bought two boxes of tampons in a row that had several tampons with strings missing, I broke down into tears of frustration, because it was so much wasted money and left me stranded bleeding with nothing to sop up the mess. I wrote an angry letter to their complaints department and never got a response. They are a huge corporation, doing booming business. Why should they care? I loathed the tampon and pad companies, but I needed them. I relied on them. They fed me freedom from shame, mess, and insecurity in nice, brightly colored packages, lined on supermarket shelves. They told me that to have freedom when I bled, I needed to bind myself to them. So fittingly contradictory, that.
Financially. Because of my high absorbency needs, I was spending a fortune (for my small budget) every month. $6 for a pack of 14 pads. Over $7 for a pack of 40 super-plus tampons. I go through a pack of pads and a pack and a half of tampons every month. So, approximately $16.50 a month. At 12 months a year that's $198 a year. Which means that, over the last ten years, I have spent about $1,980 on disposable feminine hygiene products. We could buy a better car than Pokey for that much money. That's for sure.
Waste. I felt terribly guilty for all of the waste. So far, I have sent about 1,680 pads and 7,200 tampons and applicators to the landfill with all of their nasty chemical residues and un-biodegradable plastics. Isn't that disgusting? Just think about that for a second. Not to mention all of the resources wasted in their production. Menstruation, it sometimes feels, is the single most needlessly wasteful thing that I do.
All of that, and now I learn that they had been poisoning me and making my cramps, my heavy bleeding, my yeast infections, everything, so much worse. Oh, I think that I had every reason to be livid. I. Wanted. Out.
So, mainly through this informative and wonderful discussion thread, I learned about The Keeper. I read the testimonials. I learned about the problems with tampons. I was sold. The Keeper is a washable, reusable natural rubber cup that you can wear internally. When you create a seal with it, it catches the menstrual flow while still allowing natural moistures to stay where they belong. With The Keeper, there is absolutely no risk of toxic shock syndrome or any of the other health risks associated with tampons. Since it is natural rubber (that is sustainably tapped from trees grown without pesticides or herbicides) and is not processed with the use of harsh chemicals, there are no worries there. Plus, it lasts for ten years! At a cost of $34 for a new one, that works out to less than 30 cents a month. I headed straight to Earthfare, where I knew that they carried them, and bought one. I also got a few organic, cotton, washable cloth Glad Rags while I was at it, as backup. For the first time in my life, I was looking forward to my period.
I used it this month. Heck, I have it in right now. This is the best period that I have ever had in my entire life! No need to carry fifteen tampons and several pads with me everywhere I go! No need to run to the bathroom every half hour to make sure that I am not leaking. I have even emptied it in a public restroom, with no problems. No worries of being caught somewhere without a tampon, bleeding through my pants. No nasty sticky sweaty yeast-infection breeding plastic in my panties. No waste. No cramps. Let me repeat that. No cramps whatsoever. Halleluiah! For me, this is a miracle rivaling Jesus' walk on water. Seriously. I feel like taking a megaphone and walking down the streets preaching the saving grace of The Keeper. (I suppose this journal entry could be considered similar...). I've become a Keepervangelist.
I feel so much lighter. I feel strong, self-reliant, and resourceful. Not insecure, needy, and dependant. I don't have to structure my life around my period anymore. I no longer have to dread two weeks of intense pain every month. I am giddy. Ecstatic. I can go anywhere; I can do anything I want. I'm FREE!! I have everything I need in this little rubber cup. And I'm not ashamed to shout about it.
If anyone has any questions about my experiences with The Keeper please ask. This thing has turned my life upside down. Really. I'd love to share the joy with others.
Note that Morgan wanted me to add: This entry made Morgan happy for me (and happy that I'm content in what was a normally turbulent time of month) but otherwise gave him the heebie-jeebies. Heh.
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